Crossing The Line

I have spoken many times about what this on-line blogging journal means to me.  It has become a very important part of my life.  I love talking to you all and I love the fact that it is there for ever as a record of my life - What I am doing, What I am Feeling, Where I have been and most importantly How much my Family and  Friends mean to me.  It is safe to say that 2011 has been a horrid year for us in a number of ways.  Some of you that e-mail me regularly are aware of a few of our ups and downs but some aren't.  To be quiet honest I can't remember who I've told what. 

I had a few phone calls over the weekend from dear friends who I have met through my blog ( and a little visit from my darling Jo) and some of them had no idea what was going on and it made me feel really bad..... 

It has always been a bit of a problem for me about how much of my life to share on this blog.  I have been reluctant to share our problems of the last year but have decided to cross that invisible line I had in place and share a few things with you. 

Mainly because I feel bad that I haven't answered many comments and e-mails lately and because sometimes when I do get time to answer it is a rushed answer and I feel bad.  I know that none of us should feel obligated to comment or respond - BUT it always weighs heavily on me when I don't answer.  I want you to know that I do always read your e-mails and comments and I appreciate the fact that you have taken the time to do so.   

Many of you would know that I have 4 children.  Samantha, Joshua, Kaitlin and Amy. 

Josh my son who turned 20 in September has had a rough couple of years.  He developed a blood clot in his leg last year which stopped the main arterial root of blood to his foot which began to break down.  In May this year he was hospitalised with gangerene in 1 toe. 

A stent (artificial vein) was put in to assist the blood flow to his foot however the gangerene spread to 4 toes on his foot.  During testing he was found to have hole in his heart.  After many doctors visits and months and the vascular team trying to let his toes self amputate as it was considered too dangerous to fix his heart or surgically amputate, we finally found a surgeon willing to fix his heart which happened a few months ago.

The pain that Josh has been in has been incredible and heart breaking as his mother to watch.  As parents we want the best for our children and seeing them in agony constantly is just the worst feeling.   In late August, Josh was hospitalised  due to the pain and infection and also the fact that his stent was blocked it was decided to amputate so he lost all 5 of his toes.

Here he is with his childhood sweetheart Bec and their baby Mia just after the surgery. 

To call Josh a very brave young man is an understatement.  He is one of the most positive and brave people I know.  Everytime I ask him how he is he always puts a smile on his face and says "I'm ok mum" Since the amputation he has tried to get on with his life but the pain levels hadn't really changed and his stump just wouldn't heal. 

On Thursday of last week he was hospitalised due to the infection and the fact that his foot was dying.  On Saturday his leg was amputated to just below the knee.  He went through a 4 - 5 hour surgery and after being out for just 1/2 hour told me how fantastic he felt.  That kid just amazes me.  He now tells me that one of the fastest runners in the world only has 1 leg and that he can't wait to get out of hospital and get on with his life.

It has been a horrendous time - I've told him that he owns most of the grey hairs in my head - LOL.  I hope and pray that this amputation heals and that he can indeed get on with his life.

Throughout all of this I have also battled a few health issues of my own which includes a lesion growing at the base of my spine which was detected during an MRI for a collapsed disc in my back.  The stress and worry throughout the testing processes to find out if the growth was in or on my bone was incredible.  My family and friends were amazing throughout this time and I am not sure what I would have done without their support. 

The great news is that it is not in my bone so I am "elated" about that - I still have a few processes to go through with it but I feel much more confident now that it's not going to bowl me over.

So all in all I won't be sorry to see the back of 2011 and look forward to a great 2012.  It has to be onwards and upwards from here that's for sure.

If you have read this far into my post - Thank you for letting me share some of the more trying  moments of our lives this year.  Just know that "Blogland" has been a wonderful sanctuary for me and that being able to pick up my stitching and forget about our troubles has been a blessing. 

Being a part of the Stitch A Long and Swaps and friendship groups has been wonderful and I really don't know if I would have coped as well without you all.

So from me to you "Thank You"

Hugs - Fee XX